Nobody sets out to have shitty relationships. But we do have a habit of picking people to be with who allow us to keep playing the same tapes over and over. When you have ownership of your story, you can figure out hoe to stop the tape and get back in charge of your brain, and you will be amazed at the amount of bullshit you were putting up with all around you.
You will be able to articulate clear boundaries for yourself and unfuck your relationships in the process. You may start letting people out of your life, when you realize they can't deal with your new backbone. That can be a really difficult thing to process. Make sure you have support of healthier people around you that support your boundary work while you make this transition.
If your boundaries have been violated in the past, you may not know how to create boundaries that aren't too rigid or too permeable. Start by asking yourself the following questions:
- Is this a person who challenges me to be my best self or are they here because I prefer them to being alone?
- Is being alone the same thing as being lonely? If not, how do I tell the difference and how do I manage them as different situations?
- Have I (or am I) communicating my boundaries effectively or am I expecting other people to figure out what I want?
- What are my boundaries? What are deal breakers? What is the possibly negotiable? What is not an issue?
- Have these boundaries changed over time? Do I see them maybe changing in the future?